The Hamrick Family: Feeling Blah

These first few days of 2012 have proved to be challenging. However, going back to work was actually a great feeling to once again establish a bit of normalcy. I have amazing coworkers that I have been lucky to find in this new school and having the social life back at work was what I really needed. They help me escape the cleaning, cooking, laundry, and most recent family drama. My worries tend to escape me while at work, which lead me to my News Years Resolution - not to worry about things so much and focus what is most important. I have tendencies to let things eat at me. I over think things and find myself at a loss of what I did wrong, or what if......this happened. As hard as I work to be effective in the professional world and the mommy/wife/daughter world, I think I do a pretty darn good job of juggling everything. Why should I worry so much? Why should I let things bother me? I am focusing on what is the most important.

This past week the most important thing has been the health of my grandmother. As I have mentioned earlier her health has declined since late October. Her cancer has spread to her liver and lungs. She is bedridden. Her kidneys have failed. She has had hospital equipment moved into her home and hospice was called in this past Friday. I have seen the emotions of my father and how difficult this is for him. My older cousin Robbie has also had a lot on his plate. This disease came out of nowhere and has taken hold of the healthy, vibrant, classy, loving person that I call Granny and my children call Gigi.

I have had to explain to Emma and Hannah that Gigi is sick. We went there on Sunday and just sat next to her. The kids showed her some games on their leap pads. She watches them, smiles a lot and then goes to sleep. She is not saying much. I hate to see her in pain. I hate that I will no longer go shopping with her. I hate that she will not be at anymore family dinners to Georges or Outback. I hate that she will not see Emma, Hannah, Andy and Adaire grow older. I hate that we will not have another trip to the beach. I hate she will not be at anymore birthday parties. I hate that my father will soon be without both of his parents. I hate that there will no longer be a core to the Gwaltney side of the family.

I have been a very lucky person to have been loved by my grandmothers. I hate that I may soon be with only one grandparent left. This week has been very tough and right now it is comfortable going to work, getting the kids, seeing Granny and going on with my evening routine of dinner, playtime, bath time, snack/movie time with kids, me and bo tv time, and bedtime. Bo and I have cleared our calendars of weekend activities and commitments. Aside from him working out of town, going to the gym/run here and there and church we have nothing going on. That is a very assuring feeling right now.

Sidenote: something else that has really been helpful for me these past several days has been music. I got an iTunes gift card for my birthday from Robbie and April and I went crazy downloading new songs. I am just not that good at keeping my iPod that updated. The Band Perry has been my new favorite band. I just loving singing to them and again my mind stops the "worrying" and just gets me to a very relaxing place. I also downloaded some songs to dance to. The other night the four of us just danced around the house to some Pitbull. I know we looked ridiculous, but gosh it felt good!